Here’s my thoughts, where’s my penny???

Published April 17, 2014 by talentedpink

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When I first decided on being a writer I did what I always do when I need information; I googled it. I google everything I don’t know much about. Which can entail anything from why is my dog carrying around a dinosaur like it’s her newborn puppy, to what did Benjamin Franklin look like.

Upon doing so, I came across several different sites and lots of information. Some people go to college; I am not; though I haven’t ruled it out completely. Some write elaborate books; started dabbing in that a little and some start blogs; which obviously I am doing. The most important thing they said to do was simply write; all the time about everything, about anything. I have been doing that my entire life….writing. I LOVE to write, about anything.

I don’t even know how it all began. All I know is I was doing it before I even knew how to do it. I remember hiding behind the chair in the living room just writing my name over and over again (it was the only thing I knew how to spell) and when I got tired of doing that in multiple different fonts & shapes, upside down, and sideways; I asked someone how to spell my name in cursive and then did that in every which way imaginable. (I still do that when I get a brain block when I’m writing….it helps to relax my mind and free-think or when I’m just bored; sometimes I add my husband and my children’s name too) Regardless, whatever I did, wherever I was, I was writing; (family and friends always kidded with me and called me the doodler).

I always carry paper and pen with me, if I don’t I always, always regret it! I have been doing that since I can remember too!

When I was a little older and began to understand language and how to write sentences I began writing stories and journaling regularly. Writing was always my escape. Escape from reality. This grew me into an absolute love affair with books! In books you can become the person your reading about, and that was exactly what I wanted to do. So reading and writing became my escape from the reality of the world around me. I completely enjoyed it and it was just “me”. I also have to mention: unlike anyone else I know when I have been asked to write something, anything; I could literally write a small book to be published no matter what! Which, I have been told is rather annoying if it’s in a text message or a status post on Facebook! When I was in college we once had to write this huge paper on some topic I can’t remember, but it was required to be like 20 pages, as everyone else groaned and wondered how in the world they would ever be able to write so much; I was up talking to the professor about whether our papers could be longer than that; (Which I was told “no” because it was hard enough to get through the many papers let alone if they were any longer).

I have still spent my entire adult life wondering, worrying and searching for what I was supposed to do with my life. I dabbled in SO many different things I sent my family and friends in circles trying to keep up with all the different career choices I could think up. I even went to two different colleges, never graduating, and attended multiple certificate programs trying to find myself. I couldn’t figure out why nothing ever fit; couldn’t put my finger on it. But, I continued searching, never giving up. And then recently while vacationing my husband and I were sitting on the balcony outside our condo enjoying the oceanfront view and discussing our life and the choices we had made throughout it. We both had regrets, of course, and both wanted much more than what we had thus far.

As we were talking I just started rambling about how I didn’t have any talents and how jealous I was of family members who had their talents front and center and how lucky they were not to have to guess what their purpose was.  I knew that I was “ok” at several things, but nothing I could ever make money doing and then of course I had this weird, but amazing ability with spelling, grammar and punctuation, but what is one supposed to do with that? You can’t make money with that kind of a talent; therefore, it was basically a useless ability. (I had considered in the past to be an English Teacher, but decided not to because I didn’t think I had the  patience to teach because people without this ability just made me angry and I didn’t want to be mean to children)

We continued to sit there, sipping our Corona’s and enjoy the conversation. He continued to dream about the future; where he wanted to move, and what he wanted to do with his life. While, unbeknownst to him my mind was doing summersaults!!! I was “kind of” listening to him dream out loud, but actually my mind was spinning like a whirlpool! And NOT because of the alcohol! I suddenly realized I was onto something! No, I was not going to be an English Teacher; yes, I DID have a talent. A talent I had known I had all these years, but never a talent that I thought was worth anything! I had been wasting my talent. Okay, not completely. I did use my talent nearly every day, but not to do anything constructive with. Not to have a career with. Not for anything I was really proud of. And it hit me like a ton of bricks all at once! I could be a writer! I didn’t know if I had what it took to be a fiction writer. I didn’t think I was creative enough in which I could come up with all these amazing and interesting stories like what I had been reading my whole life. BUT, I could write. And I LOVED to write! I could write anything! The more I thought about it, the more convinced I was. People wrote about ALL kinds of things! They didn’t just write fiction. I know when I think about an author my first thought is writing fiction, but I was closing authors into a bubble without choices. I suddenly realized I didn’t have to be that kind of writer. I could be a non-fiction writer. And then I got really excited! I mean over-the-moon, could jump from the highest building without blinking excited! My insides started jumping for joy and my mind spun out of control! However, as excited as I was I didn’t tell anyone. I had been through career choice after career choice and never followed through on any of it. I had researched job after job and practically given myself migraines thinking about prospective career choices. I had put myself and my family through the ringer with all my ideas! I didn’t want this to be another one of those things! I wanted to make sure this was it before letting anyone in on my little secret. I wanted to be sure; hence, the googling.

And I did just that. I read every single site I came across. I read every single bit of information I could stuff into my tiny little brain as fast as I could shove it in there! I couldn’t get enough! And I knew! I knew it was for me! I could feel it in my veins; I could feel it deep inside where I never allowed anything to go! I knew writing was for me! I had FINALLY found it!

Surprisingly, everyone seemed to be on board. No one has yet to put down the idea, no one seems to think it is a bad idea, and everyone seems to believe in me; which was strange to me because after all the millions of crazy ideas I had come up with in the past someone always seemed to have something to say to the contrary of me believing in myself.

They thought I could do it TOO??? What is this?! How had I missed it all these years, how had I NOT seen it years and years before? Why had it been so difficult to see what had been right in front of my face my entire life? I already knew the answer; I didn’t believe I could do it. I didn’t believe in myself and I had put authors in a bubble.

The very first chance I got after the google searching; I searched out a blogging site. I wanted to write, I wanted to put myself out there and see what happened. I never expected to be the next great blogger, but I thought at least I was writing; getting some experience and practicing my skills. It has been very confusing journey, but I love it! At first I wasn’t sure I had found the right place. I didn’t think I was cut out for blogging. I’m still not 100% sure about it, but I’m trying. I do work on things separately from the blog. I have been working on an autobiography and a fictional book (which I only started because of the bubble I put authors into).

This has been the MOST rewarding experience and by far the BEST choice I could have ever made! I LOVE writing! I love writing about anything and I always have something to say about any topic you could bring up! I can only hope that as I go along this journey I become an even better writer and am able to write something in which people are actually interested in reading. I hope my words to paper will inform and inspire those around me. I hope one day my work will one day take someone else out of the world they do not want to live in and bring them into mine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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3 comments on “Here’s my thoughts, where’s my penny???

  • I loved reading this! You really shouldn’t doubt whether you’re cut out for this, you obviously love writing (and are good at it) do you’re definitely in the write place!
    I also always carry around a pen and paper so this bit made me smile. I am always chucking a pen in my handbag incase there isn’t one already there so I end up with about 10 pens at the bottom of my bag :’)
    I look forward to hearing more from you!
    Sass x

    • Thanks so much!! I would think we all second guess ourselves when we first begin something. But I’m pretty sure I’m exactly where I should be! 🙂
      And yes, the pens, LOL. I’ve lost count how many I have hanging around anywhere!! My purse, every stand in the house, my vehicle, in my hair! Lol always gotta have something to write with! Glad I’m not alone 🙂

  • Thanks for the follow! Your post reverberates with passion and excitement; all of it focused on writing, I could feel your enthusiasm over finding your purpose popping out of my screen. That is so wonderful! I loved reading every word. 😀

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